Paco´s Life: Madrid

En estos días inciertos / In these uncertain days

Good afternoon my dear friends and readers. Waiting for this boring Saturday afternoon to finally become night and, since I have nothing better to do, I decided to write a few lines here. Last weeks have been very intense and problematic. I am not going to break my rule about not writing very personal stuff here, basically cause I consider nobody is likely to give a fuck about it, but, just for spending some time, I am gonna write down a few personal thoughts.The word contradictory is starting to be not enough to describe me. In this last period of my life I have gone through every possible state of mind and I have had all sorts of ideas, plans and projects. For some reason I dont manage to understand, full hapinesses runs away from me and, in the search of this desired stability I become more and more unstable. When I have something I dont want it, when I loose it I want it back. What I want to do with my life today tomorrow will be different than what I want to do today. The fact is that I get bored too easily, both in my professsional and my personal life and I am always focusing more in the future than in the present.

I have built this good life in Madrid, based on a good job, plenty of friends and amazing social life and I still find myself thinking of moving to another place, leaving all behind and starting again. A place that is not likely to improve what I have here but that it would be a new challenge, a new experience. In these last days, I have moved from feeling totally unhappy with my job and convinced I should finally send this computer career to hell, to feel more satisfied with the stuff I am doing and happier with my profession. Its also been a period of changes in my personal life, full of party and witouth any control. Sometimes I wonder where is the alcoholism border cause I gotta be real close.I have had weeks of daily drunken nights, sleeping three hours and showing up at work totally wasted. It is funny how your body can get used to that, accept it as normal and be happy with this diet based on drinks and sandwiches. It is worrying to discover that, only in that moment, with a drink in my hand and friends or only people I have just met around, is when I feel totally happy. If I could get paid for that I would be the happiest guy in the world, drinking solutions as my danish flatmate would say. I wish my work would give me half the hapiness I get partying or travelling. Because all this issue about crazy life might be very cool but it is NOT what a guy in my age should consider priority number one. The older I get the more unresponsible I become. This sort of permament Erasmus feeling I have does not change and nothing and nobody seems to be able to lead me to a settled down life.

So I make up planes every day, many of them absolutely crazy and if they finally become real you will defintely know about it. The thing is that a week ago I was sure I would leave Madrid but in the last days I dont see it so clear, the feeling I am having these last days is more possitive. However, maybe next week everything will turn around. It is, lets call it like this, an uncertain period which eventually will lead here or there but that it has to finish at some point. If the truth is that I am a moving ass maybe I will finally have to accept it and live in consequence with that. Lets give it some time to see what happens…

As far as I remember, in my last personal post I was talking about that wonderful flat we had set here in Madrid. I think I was saying how promising it was. Well, six months later I can say it really fullfilt all my expectations. And I am speaking in past tense cause I feel it like a period about to finish, each of us seems to be taking a different path, uncertain in some cases, but definitely far way from this great atmosphere we have had here all these months. It’s been, no doubt about it, the best place I have ever lived and I will always remember it very happily, even though the very dramatic moments we also had. This Mika-Anders-Andrés-Me constellation is about to loose its light but it was a great one. Lets drink for it

Just another thing and I finish this personal post which is actually more a try to make my mind up rather than an attemp to communicate anything. I just want to say how much I like Hospitality Club. Related with this party life I mentioned before, this website has played its small role. HC is exactly what its name suggest, a community with people whose only link is to be willing to wellcome foreign travellers for one or few nights in their place, to make them feel at home and, the most important, to enjoy doing that. Money is not an issue here, is just to lend your sofa to travellers you dont know at all, not just your sofa but also a pice of your life. To make possible for other people that visiting a city be more than stay in a cheap hostel and walk around looking for places to see. To make possible to them to have a real taste of the country they are visiting. I suggested this idea to the others flatmates some time ago and, since then, we have had portuguesses, hungarians, chinesse, brazilian, germans and finish people around. Maybe someone might feel reluctant to host unknown people but, believe me, the experience is very rewarding.

Anyway, I think its been enough of this shit. It is already time to have a few beers. I have no clue how my life is going to evolve in the next weeks, the uncertain period is still here and it does not seem likely to go away soon. I will have to coexist with it.