Paco´s Life: Madrid

Sitting, waiting, wishing

Sitting, waiting, wishing… Borrowing Jack Johnson Word although with a very different meaning tan the song with the same name, I start this post which, I warn you, means the back to the philosophical and personal style of In these uncertain days and In these not so uncertain days.

Sitting, waiting, wishing. Sitting here in my office doing nothing, waitting for news that will push my next professional / personal move, wishing a different future every five seconds. Two weeks ago I was said that my contract as Software Developer in Buongiorno will expire on the 31st of December. In other words, I will become unemployed. The new, that I have managed to assimilate in the last days, was originally not welcome at all. I guess the absence of this kind of post in this blog is probably a good indicator of how good I was feeling lately both with my professional and personal life. Buongiorno was, specially during the first months, the best job I ever had: plenty of money, nice people, total flexibility, non-limited holidays. These are the big advantages of been a freelance that I was talking about in my last personal post, the disadvantage has just arrived. When there is no more work to do we are the first people for the company to get rid of. And, to be honest, I find it totally right, it had already been a few weeks I was doing nothing at work and I was feeling guilty

So, as a life irony, for one time I am forced to take the very likely decision of leaving a place. After so much time willingy jumping from one to another, this time they are pushing me. First days after receiving the news were a bit hard, I created quite a nice world here in Madrid, I had a perfect job, a perfect flat and a perfect social life. I am losing the first one for sure and very likely the other too. And I am so sure about this because I believe it is quite difficult that I can get a job like then one I am loosing here in Madrid. I have got this certain feeling of knowing that whatever I may find out there is going to be worse, specially in terms of salary and flexibility. Sure, there are jobs around and, actually they are calling me almost daily but I know what it is about… I see the uncomfortable ties, the business rigid atmosphere, the client is always right and all that shit IT consultancies are based on. This is something I have already lived and I will do again if there is no other chance but I will do my best to get something better. And if that means leaving Madrid so be it.

I have to say, to be honest, that I am writing this a few days after the initial moment and in this time I have started to feel better about moving. This globetrotter who lives inside me and was dying lately due to my stable life has been resurrected by the news. I have started to think of my chances and the first still only “possible” opportunities in Netherlands or Germany made me realize that I am still very motivated about leaving my current life behind and build a new one. So, the situation is not a drama, whatever is coming in my future sounds good and I am probably still as unestable and “moving-ass” as always.

So here I am then. Sitting, waiting, wishing… Planning the next move, something that other times just meant sending a lot of CVs to find a new job. Well, I am definitely doing that but this time there is a second alternative. And this time the unresponsible plan is really unresponsible…if am not offered something I like very much or maybe even in that case, I plan to go travelling. And when I speak of travelling I mean real travelling not the amateur things I have been doing till now. The plan is to get a big pack in my back and spend between 4 and 7 months going all over one a continent I have never been so far: South America

Obviously it is a decision involving plenty of things. And the first and most important one is whether I really want to do it, if I would really enjoy a trip like that. The truth is that I don’t know if I am made for it. I mean, it is not lack of confidence nor fear of the dangers involved. It is rather the fear to the boreness, to find myself alone, going from one place to the next without enjoying what I see. Not having travel mates for this trip, makes me think about these issues. I get bored easily and my short lonely traveler experiences were not too satisfactory (I specially remember those 4 days alone in Phillipine Islands). I would not like to cancel the trip after one month because I am fucking bored. I would like to know for sure that it will be a great experience but I have doubts. Due to this, the decision is not 100% sure and leaves the door open to continue working if something really good comes up.

It is due to this, that days pass by in what seems to be and endless wait. Sitting, waiting, wishing, in this “expecting” state, without knowing what it is going to be, attending interviews for jobs I don’t want, sending CVs to jobs I want, looking at South America maps, travelers blogs… With the feeling that there is not much I can do right now and the issue will solved itself on its time. Sitting, waiting, wishing…